Listening beyond words in neurodivergence-affirming therapy
Talking therapies absolutely have their place. I use conversation and reflection in my work all the time.
For many of the neurodivergent people I work with, words are only one part of what is happening in the room.
I was talking about this recently with Dr Emma Offord when we recorded an episode of This Voice Is Mine. It stayed with me afterwards because so much of my work over the years has involved listening to the whole person. Their words, breath, movement, stillness, expression and the small changes that happen as we talk.
Sometimes the body tells us that something has shifted before the words arrive.
What does listening beyond words mean in therapy?
Someone might be telling me that they are fine while their breathing becomes shallower. Their shoulders may tighten. Their body might move backwards, or they may suddenly become very still.
I don’t decide what those changes mean for them. I gently bring attention to what I have noticed.
I might say:
“I noticed something changed in your breath when you said that. Did you notice it too?”
They may know exactly what happened. They may need time to think. They may have noticed nothing at all.
Every response is welcome.
The change in their body gives us somewhere we can pause, become curious and listen together. It never gives me permission to assume that I already know the answer.
The body can offer information before words arrive
Feelings do not always appear as clear thoughts or tidy sentences.
They might first show up as:
a tightness in the chest
a restless foot
a hand moving towards the body
an urge to curl inward
a change in breathing
a sudden feeling of heaviness
a need to move or create more space
During somatic work, we may stay with one of those changes for a little while.
A movement might become slightly bigger or smaller. We might explore what happens when it changes shape. We may notice where the edge of a feeling seems to be, then pause before going any further.
This happens gently and with consent. The person remains in control of their body and the pace of the session.
Sometimes a movement brings clarity. Sometimes it simply helps someone feel more present.
Both matter.
Why this can matter for neurodivergent people
Many neurodivergent people have spent years being asked to communicate in ways that suit everyone around them.
Sit still. Make eye contact. Answer quickly. Use the right tone. Explain exactly what is wrong.
That pressure can make it even harder to recognise and communicate what is happening inside.
In my therapy room, you can look away while you speak. You can move, stim, draw, pause or take time to find an answer. Silence can be part of the session. You can ask me to repeat or rephrase something. You can tell me that you do not know.
The session can make room for the way you naturally process and communicate.
For some people, that alone brings relief.
Creativity gives us another language
I am a BACP Registered Integrative Counsellor using the Arts when working with adolescents.
The arts give us more ways to explore an experience when spoken language feels too narrow.
We might use drawing, colour, movement, music, objects, images, metaphor or a piece of creative writing.
You do not need to see yourself as creative. There is no skill to demonstrate and nothing needs to look good.
A line on a page may show something that has been difficult to describe. A colour may feel closer to the truth than a label. Moving an object nearer or further away can help someone explore a boundary before they are ready to talk about it.
Creative work can sit alongside conversation. It can also give us a place to begin.
What might this look like during a session?
Each session is shaped around the person in front of me.
We might notice a change in breathing and pause together. We may explore how a feeling shows up physically. A young person might draw while we talk, sit on the floor or move around the room. Someone else may feel most comfortable staying still and taking time before answering.
I may invite curiosity through a gentle question, such as:
What do you notice in your body as you say that?
Does that feeling have a shape, colour or texture?
Would your body like more space right now?
What happens when you allow that movement to continue?
Would you like to stay with this, change direction or pause?
An invitation can always be declined.
There is room to adjust. There is room to stop. There is room to return to something on another day.
You remain in charge of the pace
Body language is personal. A gesture or change in posture can mean different things to different people.
I notice and ask. We explore together.
I will never use someone’s body language as proof that I know what they are feeling. I will not push for an explanation or a particular emotional response.
Trust grows when your choices are respected. That includes the choice to speak, move, remain quiet, slow down or leave something alone.
You can arrive without a script
You do not need to prepare the right words before coming to therapy.
We can begin with whatever is available that day. A feeling you cannot quite name. A tight chest. A restless hand. A picture. A colour. A long pause. Even the words, “I don’t know.”
There are many ways to be heard.
My role is to meet you with curiosity, kindness and respect, then listen to all of you.
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